I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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