I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
