a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
