so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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