Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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