we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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