i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
