why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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