just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
