She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
