My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
