why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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