NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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