East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
