i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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