just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
