Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
