I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
