Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
