Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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