I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
