Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
