Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Someone signed my nipple.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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