i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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