just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
