is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
