just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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