dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
