I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize