come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
