If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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