He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
