I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
