their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
