I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
