Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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