My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
