I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
