Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
false alarm, still single
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