btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
