he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
