I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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