Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
