I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
