If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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