I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
