And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish my penis had a tongue
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
