He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
