I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
