after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
