was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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