we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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