before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Text me some of your sweat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
