OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
