You smell like stripper and shame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
