I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The ass gains better be worth it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
