I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
