Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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