worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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