someone owes me an orgasm
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
