Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you remember whose house we're in?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
