I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
