In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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