Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
