You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
