forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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