he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
