i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
