I hate all girls vehemently.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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