Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
