we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
