Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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