thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
