She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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