i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
