I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
