just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize