I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
