So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize