So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
