i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
