Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
