just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
