ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize