DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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