Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
