Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
