my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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