You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
