he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
