Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
