apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
