Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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