I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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