I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude i'm inner monologue high
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
