My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
