He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
