Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
