don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
