first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
