dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
