The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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