THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
