I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize