I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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