I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
