what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
