I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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