I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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