Your tits are I can't wait for
I faked an abortion last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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