we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
