does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
