We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize