He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
