i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need help removing her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
