All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
