I'm eating all of the evidence.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
