oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
