as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
